Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
