I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
