i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
