is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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