new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
