we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's get the cat blown out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize