i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
