yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
