I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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