so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
