So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
