I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
