im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think i scared a bird with my dick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
