yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
