I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
