Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
