It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
