I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
