If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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