dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize