I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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