My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize