i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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