I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
