no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
