he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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