I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
