Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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