I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
