Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
