well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize