He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
