i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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