If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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