a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize