his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
