allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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