So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
