Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
