shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
