We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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