Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
