I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
