I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I supernannyed him into submission
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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