i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
