Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
