I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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