Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
