i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
