I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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