Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
