Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
