He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
