when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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