Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
