Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
