looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
