You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
