dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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