I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
