ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
