my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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