there was a trapeze. enough said
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
