It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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