Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My underwear smells like fireworks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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