I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
