Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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