I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
