They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
