How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I met the friendliest cop last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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